By Jack Criss

In 2005, I, along with several thousand other readers, bought retired GE CEO Jack Welch’s latest book, “Winning.” Naturally, I hoped to gleam tips from the great business guru and corporate legend on how to “win” in my own business of publishing.

I never finished the book, to be honest. It just didn’t knock me out and I didn’t have the desire to complete it. I admit that I skipped ahead in the book, though, to a section Welch had written on balancing life and family. That subject had always fascinated me and, being married with two children at the time, wanted to see what The Great Mr. Welch had to say on the subject. I was enlightened…to say the least.

Welch named those who, he wrote, “are not working for fun or the passion to win” as “work-life moaners.” Among those types he referenced an employee who wanted to take yoga classes on company time. I can agree that such a person might not be the model worker for any company, let alone General Electric.

However, Welch went on to lump many working mothers in the category of “work life moaners” while, at the same time, praising some Mighty Moms who were executives and still got the job done (though how their children fared was not mentioned by Welch—he did write that nannies came in handy, though.)

This gem from the section of the book really hit me, however: “So before you open your mouth a fifth time to ask for limited travel and Thursday mornings off, or occupy your boss’s time with concerns over your child-care arrangements, know that you are making a statement, and no matter what words you use, it sounds like, ‘I’m not really into this.’”

Perhaps there’s a problem with translation here. Perhaps the worker is REALLY saying, “I have to have this job to support my family and I really love my children and need to spend more time with them. I also love my job but I’m coming to you as a fellow human being who will hopefully show some empathy and help me with my dilemma.” Or maybe I’m just being a “moaner.”

Hardcore capitalist that I was in 2005, I was still uncomfortable with Welch’s take on the work/time-off dilemma. As a loving father myself, I was hell-bent and determined not to live in the office and not ever see my children. Thankfully, I owned my own business and could take time off as needed to be with them at special events or even to spend more time with them on my slow days. However, not every worker has that luxury and it certainly is one. In 2005—and especially now after the ‘08 Meltdown—most families had (and have) both parents working to simply pay the bills. And where were the children? Probably at daycare, or with nannies; more than likely not with grandparents (many of whom had to work, too!) or extended family members. No, those days are gone.

So many children are being raised in modern America without really knowing their parents and I think this is one of our culture’s greatest tragedies. But, as Welch went on to write in this same section, you certainly don’t want to wake up one day, after having decided to ditch your career and stay with the  kids, and think with anguished regret, “What about ME? What about MY career?”

What narcissism. And how pitiful.

In my opinion, when you have children and you make that choice, well, you better be prepared to raise them and BE with them. If you can’t, then don’t have children and focus on your career. It’s that simple. Why procreate only to ship junior off to strangers so you can find and fulfill yourself? That, my friends, is selfishness pure and simple and, with apologies to Ayn Rand, it’s not a virtue in this case. Not with children’s lives at stake.

Helping to raise my girls has been the single most rewarding experience of my life. I am now divorced and do not see them on a daily basis as I was accustomed to and I can tell you that work is no replacement for being with my girls. It shouldn’t be for anyone.

I’m not casting stones here, either. There are loving parents who are working their tails off to make sure their children are, and will be, comfortable as they grow older. But at what cost to the children now?  Will they grow up with material comforts only to find their own parents strangers? Are Mom and Dad too exhausted from work to play ball with them or read them a story? I can’t help but recall the  poignant Harry Chapin song “Cats In The Cradle” when I think of such situations.

Could I have worked harder? Oh, undoubtedly. Could I have made more money? Probably so. But at least my girls grew up knowing their Daddy loved them and was there for them—and still is. Who knows, though? I have a fear (probably unfounded) that, when they’re older, they’ll be upset I didn’t provide a bigger nest egg for them! But I somehow doubt that.

Winning then, may not be everything it’s cracked up to be, at least not the kind Jack Welch advocates. Being and doing your best should be the ultimate goal. I try to teach the girls that, you don’t have to win or beat anybody to prove your worth; you do, however, have to try to do better yourself and improve on your own talents and skills. I tell them that a real winner is someone who can continually improve themselves. No, they may not win anything glamorous, like a big medal or a golden parachute such as in Welch‘s world. They can, however, win their own self respect. That’s the greatest prize of all and the most meaningful accomplishment.